Saturday, 31 March 2012

Interacting with people when you're not a people person

So, this is a subject which I guess I haven't really mastered. I'm quite happy to do videos and put them on YouTube, to write blog posts and show them off on Facebook, and to act like I'm a really nice and spiritual person. Maybe it's a bit of a facade in a way. I freely admit though that I am NOT a people person. I can find being with people for long periods quite draining, I find it difficult to have free flowing conversations with many people, I find it hard to make friends, I don't like conflict so I can tend to avoid close friendships, and if people talk about things that I have no interest in, I would rather just switch off. I guess I am fairly independent.

Which is good in a sense that it probably makes me a bit stronger in myself. I think it's important to be comfortable with your own company. There are probably a lot of people out there that are not comfortable by themselves - I have a housemate who clearly does not like being by himself, and I find that hard to relate to. But at the same time, there is a desire within me to build up closer friendships, and to 'fall in love' when the time is right. So getting the balance between being someone who likes solitude and is still somewhat fearful of being hurt and rejected but who also has a desire for more genuine closeness in friendships and relationships .. is not necessarily an easy thing.

I guess also when I am different to the majority of people in society - sometimes it kinda feels like I am on a different planet - it can be easy to judge other people and to get frustrated with them. And I do have rigid boundaries when it comes to people and find it hard if people violate these boundaries. I mean, it's easy enough to nice to people that you are not close friends with. But, letting the guard down, allowing oneself to be vulnerable .. that is a challenge to me.

Fortunately, now that I have a car, it is a bit easier to be able to meet like minded people. When you are heavily inclined towards spirituality and personal development, it is certainly easier to make friends with people who have these interests. There aren't that many such people in Yorkshire, but there are some scattered around. And it is possible for me to occasionally be good friends with people who are not so much into the spiritual stuff. I get frustrated when it seems that most people find it so easy to make friends .. but I guess I chose to be the person I am, for a reason.

So what is my solution? Maybe I have to work on the relationship with myself before I can be in a place to make closer friendships and relationships. Whilst I will probably never be a social butterfly, I do think I need to develop a bit in this area - I am probably a bit too much on the side of solitude at the moment.

Anyway, I'll leave it at that .. Love and peace x

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