Sunday, 28 July 2013

Judgment and comparison

Yes, yes, I know. You would rather see posts on how to be successful, how to make lots of money and how to be empowered. Right? Well, you might need to read another blog if that's the only thing you're after. Plus there's enough self-help books on these subjects.

I totally believe in being successful .. but part of the journey, for me at least, is to embrace and accept the 'dark side' of myself. And to be honest, I don't find it easy to display my bad side in real life. Often, I will act all nice, wanting to keep the peace, because I don't enjoy dealing with conflict. I was just looking at an appropriate picture to add to this post and this one came up. The message I got from it is 'in the darkness there is light'. Draw your own conclusions from that :)

So one of the things that I have been conscious of recently is judging other people. Part of the reason, maybe a big part of the reason, is that I have moved to a rougher part of town which I really dislike and am already counting the days until December when I will be able to leave. The people there are mostly friendly enough but a bit rough if you know what I mean - many of them probably don't work, are a bit 'chavvy', have plenty of tattoos and some of them are bald like me. It can make me feel a bit superior, like I don't belong in this kind of environment. I'm not a fan of tattoos and I can sometimes find myself judging people with tattoos .. although recently I have realised that some people who have them are pretty cool people. Also I can judge people who smoke, people who drink too much, all the things that I don't do and find difficult to understand.

Why is this? Is it true that this judgment is a reflection of things that I dislike about myself? Is it born out of my time in religion? Or am I just intolerant? Perhaps it's a mixture of all three. But let's be honest, it can be hard to move beyond our own limited understanding and beliefs sometimes. People that are different to us can threaten or scare us in some way. It's hard to relate to people that are completely different to ourselves and have lived in situations we have never lived in. It's all very well saying that once you love yourself more, you'll love other people more and be more tolerant, which is probably true, but it's important, I think, to be aware of how we judge others.
Picture by Claude Renault

Often, when people talk about 'the comparison game', it's in terms of feeling inferior to others (as one wise person said 'comparing the worst of ourselves with the best of others') - but when we judge people, we feel superior to them - we feel like we're a better person. Comparing the best of ourselves with the worst of others. It works both ways. We can easily blow our own trumpet, although the instrument in the attached picture clearly isn't a trumpet.

At present, I don't have any answers as to how to stop this judgement pattern, apart from doing my best to love myself more. But I hope to find some answers soon. And maybe come back with another blog post on this subject.

Do you have any experience of judging others? Can you be a little intolerant at times? Please share your stories and thoughts of how to deal with it.



  1. I can be big time judgemental Andy and very intolerant. I feel the key is just allowing yourself the feelings. Saying to yourself 'right now i am judging' and that your not a bad person as almost everyone judges. All those parents tapes and childhood programmes make us judge others as it gives a sense of relief from insecurity. I judge less now, probably because I ask myself 'who is judging?' And when I ask that question I get this space open up where I realise the story is judging not the deeper me.


A few things this week has taught me

Well well. This one really has been one of the toughest weeks in a good while. It's pretty rare for me to get too depressed these days, ...