Thursday, 26 September 2013

Comparison games and being yourself

Good job I don't compare my cookery skills to the French then
It has dawned on me a bit recently .. that as well as comparing myself to other people who I think are better than me .. I also compare myself to other people who I think I am better than.

I compare myself unfavourably to others in ways such as:
- I have got nowhere in my career compared to so and so.
- Most people my age are earning more money than me.
- Most people have more friends than me.
- Other 'spiritual' people have their shit sorted out a lot more than me.
- My friends are making more progress with their writing, workshops etc.

I compare myself favourably to others in ways such as:
- Most people would not been able to go through what I have and still be living a normal life.
- I can cope if I'm on my own.
- I am less reliant on friendships and relationships than many people.
- I am not as materialistic as some people.
- I am better at dealing with emotional stuff than a lot of people.

Both lists could go on. I do have a competitive streak within me. But what good do these comparison games really do? Obviously it doesn't help to compare myself unfavourably to others. Maybe the mind needs to make me feel superior to some people who don't quite have their shit together, in order to lesson the inferiority complex. And there is something perversely appealing about making myself better than others. Maybe I am actually doing okay after all :)

Well, maybe I am actually doing okay without the need to compare my life to someone else's. Aren't these comparison games a little crazy? Yes, it can be frustrating when you witness yourself struggling with certain aspects of life where the majority of people seem to have it so much easier. But really, the expectations that our society and cultures have are not really expectations that anyone should need to measure up to.

Some of us are just different, and may live a bit of an unconventional life, and that's fine. We may have made some mistakes in our time. We may be less confident than some.

Comparing ourselves to others clearly indicates that we are not entirely happy with our own lives. And if we are looking at our lives in terms of what we've achieved or what our strengths are, we'll always find something to be unhappy about. None of us are perfect.

When all is stripped to the bare bones, what and who are is a beautiful human being. We've all had conditioning, much of it negative, and it's impossible to undo that conditioning overnight. But if we are doing our best to live the best life we can, then we should not be ashamed if we do not manage to do what other people have done.

I would far rather be doing something I love..
A biggie for me right now is when I see or hear about people 'following their bliss' or doing things that I wish I could be doing, whilst I continue to be exhausted in my day job and not sure what to do next. This can make me feel inferior or less spiritual. But what if .. there actually is a reason why things are as they are and that they are as they are meant to be? Life isn't always a bed of roses and sometimes, even though things may not be quite as we'd like them to be, the best thing to do is accept that you are doing the best you can, at this present moment.

And being yourself is one way of doing the best you can. Allow your true nature to unravel. Do the things you enjoy. For me, writing is one of the biggest ways to express myself. What creative outlets do you have where you can truly express yourself? When you get the chance, take some time to be present and be in stillness. This will help quieten down the comparison junkie in your head. Remember that you are doing your best with the resources you have, and that you are a good person.

Many blessings

1 comment:

  1. Well you know I do this too Andy, so totally get you here. And while we are all different sometimes it can be hard to not compare. Thanks for the reminder.


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