Sunday, 13 October 2013

Do we 'choose' what happens to us?

There is a theory which is banded about regularly in spiritual circles, and I think it's worth looking into it. That is, that we choose what happens to us on some level, we choose our parents, our relationships etc.

Now this is a difficult concept for the mind to grasp. Most people would dismiss it.
'I didn't choose for my loved one to die'
'I didn't choose to get raped'
'I didn't choose to have the accident'.

And on a conscious level, of course, that is true. Most of us have things in our lives that we would rather not have gone through. Let me give you some examples from my own life, not because I want to talk about myself all the time (no, honest *wink*) but because it's easier for me to relay my own experiences.

When the Christian faith I held so dear for 15 years crumbled away, it all happened very suddenly. I had taken the whole hell fire and brimstone thing literally, and I was terrified that I was going to go to hell. That's the short story, the whole breakdown lasted about 6 months and it was hell on earth, which I would not wish on my worst enemy.

Picture by flydyme
Now, I can see that it had to happen in order for my life to change, as my beliefs had been so entrenched. And my life did change once I got better. However, if I'd had the choice to either go through that experience or die, I might well have chose the latter. There is no way I would have chosen, on a purely intellectual level, to go through what I did. And there is no way anyone would consciously choose to lose their child in a car crash, or be raped. (And whilst I'm at it, the self help world needs to get rid of the crazy notion that someone can 'attract' rape. There is no excuse for something like that).

However, I do believe that there is a deeper level of understanding, that cannot be grasped by the mind alone, where we understand that part of our life's assignment is to go through the things that may seem terrible, unbelievably traumatic. As we have been conditioned to deal with emotions from a mind based point of view, you might think what I say is awful, immoral or just untrue. If you say 'no' to what has happened, if you close your heart down to life, then you will never be able to see how even the most awful events can shape you as a person. That's not to say things aren't bloody tough at times, and not to say that you shouldn't grieve over a loss. In fact, it is unhealthy not to grieve.

I totally believe that we chose our parents on a soul level, in order to teach us how to grow. Parental relationships are not easy for most of us at times. Whilst the majority of parents, including mine, are decent, there are some people who have sadly been mistreated or even abused by a parent, more likely to be the father. Those people would definitely find it hard to accept or believe that they chose their parents, and understandably so. And, again, on a conscious/intellectual level, some people would definitely not have chosen the parents they had.

But, when you say 'yes' to life itself - and this really is the key I feel - you are able to see the divine order and purpose behind even the most horrible of circumstances. Okay, I haven't been through bereavement, or abuse. I understand that they could be the most hideous things to deal with. But it's fair to say that I've been through a fair bit so hopefully I have the right to say this.


Photo by Alonis - I like this one :)
I can speak from experience when I say that opening your heart is a very difficult and challenging thing to do. My heart probably closed off to people at a very early age. There was a couple of people from school whose words probably affected me far more than I realised. And my continued failure to 'attract' a relationship has caused a lot of heart pain, little doubt about that. Although, again, I believe in some way that I chose these circumstances, in order that I can grow as a person, maybe so that I can learn to be comfortable in my own skin, and also hopefully I will be able to help others through my experience.

When we go through difficult or traumatic experiences, it can be at a time when we really don't know how to properly deal with the pain. Let's be honest, Western society doesn't go a great job of teaching us how to! But especially if something traumatic happens to you as a child, there is no way you will know how to deal with the event and the pain can be deeply rooted.

What do I mean by opening your heart? It's by coming face to face with your pain and allowing it to be there, and allowing love to come in. Most of us fight our pain or try to numb it with alcohol, drugs or food. I have done this several times. This is a sure fire way to make the pain come up to be dealt with at another time. I cannot give solutions as to how to open your heart, as I believe it is different for everybody. But what I do believe is that by saying 'yes' to life, that our hearts will gradually open and that we will be able to face different layers of emotions and conditioning when we are ready.

For an inspirational story of how to say 'yes' to life, I recommend you look up Katie Piper or read one of her books. For those who do not know, she was the victim of an acid attack by her ex-boyfriend. But she has used what was supposedly a 'bad' thing, to help others. Here is her foundation

I'm sure she will say that she would rather have not gone through what she did, but she was able to say yes to life and realise the deeper reasons why the attack may have happened. This is what I mean by 'choosing' what happens to us, we all have our own blueprint on the world, and what our experience is of it. It's a tough world sometimes, it really is, and sometimes there are things that are beyond our control, but I do believe there is reason for everything.

This is a tough concept to grasp, that we choose what happens to us. Not everyone believes it, and that's fine. I don't know whether I've explained it fully. It's not necessarily easy to explain. But like I said, the key is to say 'yes' to life, even if your heart is broken by what has happened to you.


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