Sunday, 23 February 2014

Allowing change

At the Eden Project, Cornwall
When you're used to 'things being a certain way' even if it's not the way you want it to be, it can be easy to settle for less than you deserve, especially if there are perceived challenges to overcome in order to get what you want.

And it's sure not easy to believe that things can change if you want something you've never or seldom had. It would be great if you could push a magic button and things would change just like that .. or would it? Well there are no magic buttons anyway, so you just have to do your best.

Positive thinking and affirmations don't really work for me. Recently, I've read a book about flipping so called 'negative' thoughts around - for example, turning thoughts like 'Why am I always broke' to 'Why am I always abundant' - or 'Why do I end up in dead end jobs' to 'Why are people offering me great jobs'. If these thoughts can work for some, great. But for me, there is too much of a gap between one statement and the other. I believe in taking things slowly.


For me, self-love has to be right at the centre of my life. Whether or not I have the external things I might want, I will always be with myself. Everything that happens or does not happen, is, I believe, a reflection of myself and my beliefs in some way. As I have mentioned before, self-love is a process and a journey of discovery. And one of the hardest things for me to overcome is the feeling of not deserving good things. Added to that the fear of being hurt or triggered - it's not easy to allow change in sometimes.

I have often thought that life or God doesn't want me to have good things because things have been so hard for me in certain areas, particularly relationships and career. Sometimes I have felt powerless. But now that I have the realisation that I need to learn to love myself as best I can, that enables me to take a little more responsibility. We cannot look for happiness or love outside ourselves - other people certainly help, but it has to start with yourself.

I'm repeating things that I will have mentioned before, and part of me wonders whether it is worth putting this post up. But certain things are worth repeating because they are important.


Photo by Chris Hamish
A lot of us are at a crossroads point in life. Things have been the same for too long, and are now getting to a place where things are becoming less and less bearable. For me, the last two jobs I've had have been the most stressful ever, and life seems to be giving me messages that I need to do something. Whilst it may not be critical for me to be in my dream job right now, I definitely need something a bit more bearable. And that may just involve doing things differently.

As Einstein said 'The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expect different results'. And also, it is important to change your thinking so that you can do things differently.


There must be very few people who have not had a fear of the unknown at some point. Change is scary, certainly to the mind. The human mind likes the familiar and wants you to stay safe. Even if your life situation is not great, sometimes it can be easier to stay with it, because it's all you know. I definitely believe that a lot of people have a level of fear of success - I do. All of us have built up internal protection mechanisms in order to prevent us from getting hurt, and sometimes it can seem that the unknown or something new, has the potential to make us uncomfortable. And the comfort zone is not normally an easy place to get out of.

We need to have a certain level of discipline in order to allow change, because, when challenges come, it can be so easy to go back to the old way of doing things. 'Allowing' is a key word for me at this moment. What am I willing to allow into my life? Am I willing to face my fears, even though they might not be easy to face at times. Sometimes, I think it's a case of getting out of our own way. It's good to know what we really want, and to do what we need to do in order to help us to get the life we want, but it's also important to be flexible when things don't quite happen as we want - and that's another important part of allowing change.

Allowing also means to allow the uncomfortable emotions to be as they are - the panic, the negative thoughts, the fears .. they won't go away by resisting them. We can't force ourselves to be in the place we might like to be. In fact, I think that maybe one of the most important things we can do is to be friends with the parts of ourselves that we'd perhaps rather were not there.


Life never stays the same. There is nothing wrong with wanting more from life, even though it's also important to be content even when nothing seems to be happening and to accept what is. What areas of your life do you know that could do with a bit of change? Are you willing to allow the new into your life, and let go of the old?

Ask yourself this.

Would be interested to know how you deal with change or to hear any stories relevant to this topic.

Many blessings


  1. Oh Andy, you just know I could have written this out of my head LOL, loving this post. I will share this on. Glad you posted. I have not much to add, as I am exactly where you are on most subjects. Well done!


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