Sunday, 18 May 2014

Being honest with myself - out of work again

Picture courtesy of Transitions 101
In order to walk the road less travelled, you will have to be prepared to face things that you'd rather not face. And I don't JUST mean going through hard times. Lots of people face massive challenges - but it's easier to react against them or take a pill to calm your mind down.

Going through challenges and still being at peace with the present moment, is possibly one of the hardest things to master. We have been so used to living life within the confines of the mind, and all the governmental and corporate structures are ego based. So when we determine to do things a bit differently, life throws a few hassles at us which our minds do not like.

I am on benefits now, and, some of the time, applying for some jobs that I know I do not want, and hope I don't get. I do see the odd job or three that I like the look of .. but there are no certainties when it comes to finding a job. You can keep yourself positive, and that will bring better results in the long run .. but this whole business brings up a lot of my insecurities, doubts and fears, and it's not a whole lot of fun. My paid work history and where I want to be, are poles and poles apart, and I am still doing a lot of inner healing work. I do believe that your life's 'purpose' will really start to show up once you have healed a lot of the hurts of the past .. but it's important not to rush yourself.

Really, I would prefer to work for myself - but I just don't know what the next step is. I don't want to be on benefits, but also don't want to end up in another soul destroying, money driven, meaningless job. This is the third time this particular challenge has cropped up, and it is still hard to face and accept. It would be nice if some money appeared from somewhere and I could take a few months off, without the pressure of having to look for jobs. This pressure is with you pretty much every day, most genuine job seekers would probably say that.

Yes, I am angry with myself. I am angry, particularly with my last two jobs and the way those companies were run. I am angry that things have become this way. I am annoyed that there aren't easier options.

At this moment, I don't know how best to deal with this situation. There is a void. It's a subject that doesn't seem to be talked about much in spiritual circles - maybe because a lot of people have got their careers a lot more together than me. And quite frankly, blaming a poverty mindset on this situation is not helpful - whilst I do believe that an abundant mind and corresponding action can produce abundance - it is not an overnight journey to rid yourself of money anxieties.

At least, in the UK, we do have a benefits system that looks after people, more than a lot of countries. Yes, some people abuse it, but probably only a small percentage.


I don't know about you, but when I am stressed, I can go into a meltdown and end up not doing the things I am meant to be doing. I can go for walks in nature, and then come back with the intention of doing something, and then not doing it. Maybe it's only because I don't actually WANT to do it .. My brain can freeze up and then I end up all frustrated because I didn't get the thing done that I was going to.

My 'frustrated' picture - lol
Anyway, how can I accept this situation as it is? It's not easy. I do have a lot of resistance and frustration towards this whole situation. It's important to recognise that. I am pretty sure that there is some kind of 'calling' I have that needs to be expressed in time .. but at the moment, it's hard to work out anything that would bring me enough money, and it's hard to muster up the energy to do a huge amount else outside of job searching. My mind is going round in circles and the confusion and uncertainty can do my head in somewhat.

Sometimes you just need to breathe and do what you have to do. As well as get yourself in a better mindset, and allow the various emotions triggered by a particular situation, to be faced. The thoughts of 'I should not be doing this' are often here - and I am not going to force myself to be at peace with everything - but I guess it's all part of my life journey and maybe, if I learn to be at peace, new opportunities will follow.

This post is more for me than anyone else, and I needed to get it off my chest - but I hope it can help someone too.

Many blessings

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