Monday, 12 May 2014

What else is happening then ..

I feel that I want to share experiences on my own life journey right now, maybe it's more for me than anybody else, but who knows, maybe it can help some people. I have wrote about plenty of self-help topics and to be honest am getting a bit bored with it, so maybe it's time to do something different on my blog.

The big hole .. I think in Germany http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Big_Hole
Like many people, I've felt a big hole in my life and looked to some event in the future to make me happy. I have often yearned for a relationship that has eluded me. I have been pissed off to the hilt because I haven't been able to find an escape from a mundane career, and wished it was easier to find a way to do what I love and get paid for it.

I've heard plenty about self-love and being happy within myself. I've done my best to love or at least like myself a bit more. But still there's the fears that I will never be able to find a relationship or a career that suits me better.

Now it's perfectly okay to have a desire for something that is good. When it becomes unhealthy, is when we subconsciously believe it will make us happy, whilst we remain unhappy with our present circumstances. And I don't know about you, but re-training or taming the monkey mind can be a lot of hard work!



I've been trying for years to work on my fears around intimacy and relationships, and have discovered things about myself in the process. But I've learnt that I cannot force change in this area. When the heart has been wounded, it can take a long time to heal. It's a bit like asking how long is a piece of string - things take as long as they need to take. I know I need to learn to be happier within myself and to love myself more. I'm doing my best to let go of the 'need' for a relationship - right at this moment, I am probably not ready for one anyway, and need to focus on myself. I'm not saying that everyone needs to be blissfully happy within themselves before they begin a relationship - but it is important to truly realise that another person cannot make you happy. I want a relationship that will compliment me rather than complete me, when the time comes. Patience is not always easy, but I can trust as best I can that things are working out perfectly.

Career is another biggie. I sometimes envy people who have managed to become self-employed, and wish I had the energy to work really hard so I can achieve my dreams .. although I'm not entirely sure what they are. I believe we can learn lessons from whatever our work experiences are. Maybe the lesson from my last two jobs is that I am stronger than I think - part of me is still angry about the way those organisations were run, and certainly my last job was totally unsuitable for me in every way - but I managed to get through them and do a fairly good job in the process.

As work is an important part of life and takes up a reasonable amount of time - it is true that your quality of life will likely be better with a job you enjoy rather than a job you hate. I guess part of me is a bit worried that I'll end up with another job I dislike, but I am doing my best to stay positive and trust that I will find something I enjoy.

I can get trapped in thinking that I'll never make it career wise, that I'll always have to do jobs I don't want to do, in order to pay the bills. I'm sure plenty of people can relate to this, and it's important to be aware of these thoughts right now - we're living in important times where authenticity is needing to be expressed more and more, and this will hopefully filter in to the work environment. I am fed up with the extreme amount of bullshit that exists within the corporate world today - and my hope is that more people will find work that is true to their calling, whether it be self employed or working for someone else.

MY TRUE SELF - GOING WITHIN

Picture from Wikimedia
Fundamentally, whatever my relationship status, however many friends I have, whatever car I own, whatever job I do - I am still ME. A human being created in the image of God (which I do believe), a person who is capable of loving and expressing the love which we are born with, a person with a purpose to live, and a person who has come to earth to learn through circumstances and challenges.
The future has not yet happened - the place of power is in the present moment. So many people now talk about this topic, including me.

What I want to do now is adapt as best I can to my current circumstances. It would be crazy to suggest that a person with hardly any money should feel exactly the same as someone who owns a house in Monaco. Although, of course, there are some rich people who are deeply unhappy - but generally speaking, certain circumstances will make a bit of a difference at least. What circumstances cannot dictate is your level of trust, your saying 'yes' to life, and how much you love. It may be a damn sight easier when outer circumstances are seemingly great, but sometimes the harder times help us to become more open to life.

Outer circumstances can make a bit of a difference, however, we must not depend on them for our happiness. The fourth agreement in Don Miguel Ruiz's book is 'Always do your best' - and that's all you or I can do. Be adaptable, know who you are, know that you are still amazing even when times are tough - and life will dance with you rather than work against you.

Be well,
Andy

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