Saturday, 14 June 2014

A little bit on sadness ..

Sometimes my head can be a bit cloudy, right?
Photo is at Grasmere in the Lake District.
I'm not a naturally positive thinker, in case you haven't realised. My default settings are generally set to 'negative' and it can take effort sometimes for me to have any sort of optimistic outlook on things.

I think a lot of people, whether down to conditioning or genetics or the f*king British media, have a tendency towards pessimism rather than optimism. And it's not so easy to change this. This morning, I have been feeling quite sad. Some things, I feel sad about a lot of the time, particularly the lack of romance in my life and the career issues I am currently facing. I've tried changing this part of my life by reading books and trying to feel more complete in myself - and I will say that this has helped to a degree - but I still feel an underlying sadness. The law of attraction teachings will say that 'if you focus on lack, you will continue in lack' - and it does seem that my thought patterns perpetuate loneliness. And particularly at present, having recently moved into a new town and not seeing people very often.

And no woman's going to want a man desperate for a relationship, right? Neither would I want a desperate woman. But I'm starting to realise that the sadness isn't going to magically disappear, no matter how much meditation I do or how much therapy I have. It's only natural, when you desire something and it doesn't happen, to feel a degree of sadness. The only thing I can do is become friends with this sadness and welcome it - and the same applies to the fears I have around intimacy, and around making career changes.

So often, we judge our negative emotions. When we see that most of our Facebook friends seem to have it more together than us, we think we should be doing better. It is human nature to want to change things that we perceive as obstacles to what we want. Whilst I don't recommend living life in victim mentality, occasionally I find that I don't feel like being positive, in any way. When things go wrong, initially I feel angry and want to fight back against life. The anger can then turn into sadness and tears. This is when you have more chance to discover just what feelings are lurking below the surface.

It's easy to think that things will be better once outer circumstances change .. ie with me, once I'm in the perfect relationship and have lots more money and a job I love. But, as many of us know, this is pretty much a case of waiting for a day that never comes. We have to find the resources within ourselves to be as content as we can. But, also, it is not necessarily easy to be content in spite of our outer circumstances - because outer circumstances can still be hard. This is why I am starting to think that allowing ourselves to be sad is a gateway to wholeness - I saw two separate posts recently saying something along the lines of 'Our difficult emotions are the pathway to our healing'. We can try and be happy within ourselves, but, for me at least, it just doesn't seem to work. In order to become more whole, we must be willing to allow every hidden thought, emotion and feeling that we've been resisting for so long, to come to the surface - even if we think it shouldn't be there.

That's all for now, a fairly short post but took a bit longer to write than some of my longer posts :) I am learning as I go along and may have more to say on this subject later.


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