Tuesday, 18 November 2014

When the unexpected happens .. dealing with bereavement

As most of my friends know, I lost my brother last week, very suddenly. In fact he probably died around the time that I was writing my previous blog post on Wednesday night, about creativity. It's crazy really, and it hasn't sunk in yet. I am coping okay and I know that my spiritual beliefs and the things that I have learnt over the last few years, not to mention the support of friends, will help me greatly. But you never expect something like this to happen.

I am actually two years older, and have had my own brushes, not so much with death, but certainly with not wanting to live and feeling absolutely hopeless. I have sometimes said that it is a miracle that I am still alive. The fact that I am still here and he's gone .. it's hard to understand it. I've had more than enough hard times and I'm not sure I'd be able to cope with feeling too much grief at the moment .. but I trust that I will feel whatever feelings I am supposed to feel. There will be some tough times along the journey, but I want to remember the good times too, and I want to make sure I live life to the full. Sometimes these things can be a real wake up call, even though you don't want them to happen.

We have had lots of tributes to Antony from his friends, and no doubt the funeral next week will be a suitable tribute. It's kind of ironic because I have never been affected by a family bereavement prior to this .. and I certainly wouldn't have expected my brother to be the first close family member to pass over. I am staying down with my parents for a couple of weeks and then heading back up north .. life will obviously never quite be the same again - but it goes on. This is making me have a bit of a look at myself too .. just the weekend before, I was reading a great book by Annemarie Postma about acceptance and surrender .. and the best thing I can do is surrender and trust. The author's husband lost his 17 year old daughter in the 2004 tsunami. Death can affect anyone. I hope Antony is having a great time now in the spirit world.


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