Thursday, 11 June 2015

The breakdown and how it impacts on me now

There are certain things that change your life forever. One of mine happened in 2006 - I had already been through an awful time in 2001 where I thought I was going to die and go to hell .. but 2006 was even worse, and ultimately meant my status as a 'Christian' had to come to an end.

Whilst it had to happen in order for me to discover the path I was meant to walk, it was an absolutely horrific experience which I would not wish on my worst enemy, and frankly, I would likely rather have died than go through it, and certainly, if I were to live life all over again, there is no way in a million, billion years that I would have this experience happen.

The Universe has more wisdom than you or I, so what happened, happened, I survived and somehow got through it - and now it gives me a fair degree of confidence to say that, no matter how low you go, there is always a way out. When you spend six months thinking that you've betrayed God and that you're going to suffer in the fires of hell .. well it's understandable that I have a certain degree of feeling towards fundamentalist religion. Some of the people who contributed towards writing The Bible were seriously un-evolved and un-awakened beings. The whole experience I went through is being chronicled in a book that I am writing, so you will get to see the gory details at some point.

When you go through things that no human being should ever go through and, miraculously, manage to come out the other side, it gives you a sense of perspective. I knew that life gave me a second chance, which I took with both hands, and one of the things I'd had in the back of my mind for some time was to move to a different part of the country - I am not the kind of person who would want to spend their whole life in one location - so I found a way to move up to Yorkshire.

I had to completely erase the pain from 2006 to the back of my mind for a little while. But it's probably meant that my sensitivity to emotional pain (and perhaps any kind of pain) is otherwise greater than it would have been. I had a few days recently which were pretty trying, and on occasion, the pain from 2006 was being triggered a little. Sometimes, if the pain gets too much, my mind can go into overdrive, I feel a surge of anger, and it takes a short while before I can get back into a proper level of perspective.

It's important not to judge people or think they should be closer to enlightenment, because you really have no idea of what they've been through. There are some cases where people are seeking attention and don't have any real desire to move forward or face their pain. Although, it's arguably true that it's slightly easier to become awakened when you've been to hell and back - when life leaves you with no real other options but to surrender or die. But for many people, it takes a lot of time to work through the pain that has been accumulated in the emotional pain body.

Anyway, the journey continues .. I cannot remember where I found the picture/message below.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing this, Andy. And I'm sorry for your experiences - especially as they stemmed from your ex-Christian faith. I used to be a Christian, too, but it lasted a couple of years and passed very trouble free (for me). So, thank you, and I do hope you write that book.

    I now no longer listen to any fundamentalists, by the way. Even if they're fundamentalists espousing what I believe to be true. There's something un-human about forcing your beliefs onto someone else.

    And I think at the core of any teachings/belief system lies the need to respect humanness - yours and everyone else's.

    Anyway, thanks!


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