Tuesday, 4 August 2015

Reaction to uncertainty and a wake up call

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationship with uncertainty - Tony Robbins

Food for thought from Mr Robbins .. The vast majority of people live from their heads and are stuck in 'the system', so when events such as a loss of a job happen, they will naturally freak out a bit. On the other side of the coin, there's the self-help outlook of 'embracing uncertainty'.

I don't really think that most teachers would expect you to be completely calm and blissed out 24/7 when you're facing massive uncertainty. Because, let's face it, uncertainty can be a bit of a bitch in some ways - especially when you have your own mind to contend with. Our senses are, or seem to be, hard wired for security and survival. It's more pleasant when you're doing a job you enjoy which pays reasonably well, than living on benefits struggling to find a job.

At the same time, there can also be an initial sense of exhilaration and excitement when you first step out in the unknown. This can soon fade when finances and other factors become more difficult, but some of us, at least, might get a bit of a buzz when it comes to uncertainty. The way the system is, it will take a lot for someone to leave their secure job. But anyone who has achieved big success will have had to come face to face with uncertainty at some point. An excellent book to read is Daily Love: Growing into Grace by Mastin Kipp - a guy in his early thirties who now runs a hugely successful business and has been featured on Oprah's show. He talks about his journey .. along the way, he was staying in other people's houses whilst trying to get things up and running, but there came a point where he knew he could not go back into the 'normal' job world.

On a personal level, I still don't quite know where I'm headed next. And I can get a bit frustrated over that. It might not be my calling to have a million dollar business. But I know I cannot go back to the kind of jobs I was doing. The whole situation with the immense stress of my last job coinciding with Antony's death still bothers me somewhat .. and it's even led me wonder whether it's my fault. Some things, I guess, are just hard to understand.

Uncertainty, of course, does not just apply when it comes to career, but anything that is associated with money, and ultimately survival, has a big emotional charge - and money is probably the biggest thing us westerners get uncertain about. But even without the money side of things, it can be quite a nuisance, to the mind at least, if you're not entirely sure where your life is going. Perhaps the events of the last year, although I would have preferred if they had been different, are a bit of a test to see how I would react to uncertainty. Whilst it was a relief not to have had to be doing the hellish job - I honestly believe my health would have been under serious threat had I continued there - things certainly haven't been a cakewalk. When death affects you, it can act as a bit of a wake up call, even though I'd obviously rather it had not happened this way. Ultimately the events of the last year meant I had to take some time out, although I hope things start to become a bit clearer soon.

Speaking of wake up calls, I have had something of a wake up call in the last few days. I had not been feeling that well most of last week, and after I thought I was starting to get better, I ended up feeling worse. A painful lump developed on my backside over the weekend, making it painful to even move. It started to get worse, and on Sunday night, it was clear I wasn't going to sleep very well. Eventually, after I started bleeding, I decided I needed to go to the hospital rather than wait to see the doctor. I admitted myself to A+E at around 4am - I managed to walk as the hospital is not that far from me. A lot of fearful thoughts were going around in my head .. physical illness does freak me out to a degree. One of the doctors said I had an abscess and initially thought it would have to be removed - although the doctor from the surgical team who checked me afterwards said that it had ruptured and that I would not need surgery, and sent me home with antibiotics and painkillers.

Fortunately, things have got better since then, and I am not in pain now. But it was something of a scare. I have known for some time that I could do with eating a bit more healthily, and now I have little excuses not to do so. I'm not saying I'll completely cut out sugar, but who knows .. miracles could happen. Anyway, onwards and upwards.

We can't always see ahead, but we need to keep walking. 

1 comment:

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