Sunday, 14 August 2016

What's on my mind?

Well, hello again Facebook. So you want to know what's on my mind? Well, as it happens, it's a bit big to fit on a status. So I'll use my blog instead.

Recently, not for the first time, I've been feeling a little despondent about my whole life situation and wondering what I need to do (or not do) for things to get better. Most of us have good intentions, but when it comes down to it, it requires a lot of motivation and effort to do whatever it takes to really make life work for us. The subconscious mind can seem like an insurmountable obstacle - the thought patterns that we've struggled with for years just don't seem to go away.

Yes, I have been feeling a lot of resistance recently when things come up that I don't like.

So - time to be a bit honest here. I am basically quite a lazy person and I often struggle for motivation to do things that I know would be productive. And, perhaps partly because I've already been through more than enough crap in my lifetime, the prospect of doing things like going to therapy, facing emotional pain and seeing a doctor scares me somewhat. And I don't currently have much motivation to go back into education and spend 2 or 3 years getting a qualification, especially if (as would be likely) I'd have to work at the same time.

Whilst I would like to get 'unstuck', the reality is that changing my life will take a lot of effort and perseverance. However, I do believe that we all work at our own pace. We all have different needs and values. And we need to start from where we are.

Trying to do too much all at once would end up overwhelming me. As much as I would like to work for myself, I don't know if I'd have what it takes to do so - and there is nothing wrong with you if you are working for someone else, as long as the job has a degree of alignment to who you are - there are few things worse than working in a stressful job which is totally 'not you'.

So for me, I still feel small steps are the best way forward.

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