Sunday, 16 October 2016

It all starts with yourself .. is this true?

There is a popular saying in the 'self-help' world that 'everything we attract is a reflection of ourselves'. Now, I certainly agree with this to an extent, but it's one of these things that isn't necessarily a black and white topic - and there's a little more to this whole topic than can be explained in just one sentence.

At first, you may think that it is offensive for someone to say that, for example, a narcissistic partner, a child that went off the rails, a nasty boss, a stressful job or a bullying family member, is a reflection of something within yourself. And I don't totally buy the opinion that characteristics that you hate about another person are a reflection of things you hate about yourself. Some people are just nasty, and I don't think there is anything wrong with calling a spade a spade. However, I do think it's worth examining how you act towards yourself in relation to character traits that you hate. For example - an obvious one - bullying.

Do you bully yourself by saying you're stupid, you never get anything right, you're a loser? I certainly have done this and still do so at times. Let's be honest, if another person spoke to us the same way that we sometimes (I mean often) speak to ourselves, we'd soon be telling that person where to go if we have any sense.
Whilst I don't for one second condone someone bullying another - and I don't think that we should be expected to accept behaviour that is pretty inexcusable - it's always worth examining how you think about yourself and treat yourself.

Relationships are another area which supposedly are a reflection of ourselves. I certainly think that if, deep down, we feel like we're unlovable or don't deserve a good partner, life is unlikely to provide us with the romantic relationship of our dreams. We really do need to work on our subconscious beliefs in order to attract the relationship we desire .. and, from personal experience, that is not easy. However, whilst I am not an expert on this subject, I am sure there are some relationships which are more a case of bad luck and perhaps bad judgement or naivety .. it can be easy to see the good in people before you truly get to know them.

To answer my question a bit more .. does everything start with ourselves .. I guess we can't control everything that happens to us, but how we respond to situations will determine, to an extent, our fortunes in life. And often we respond out of emotional wounds that have not been fully processed. Life has an uncanny knack of bringing up situations that trigger our biggest insecurities (if you haven't noticed that yet, what have you been doing)? Most of the time, people do their best to fight against situations that trigger them. It's far better to try and feel the underlying emotion when you get triggered by something, although that is easier said than done.

In more simplistic terms, if we hate ourselves, we are likely to struggle more than if we love ourselves, or at least try to love ourselves. This whole 'Everything is a reflection of ourselves' is a slightly complex subject which could easily be examined in far more detail, but every situation is an opportunity to learn more about ourselves - and an opportunity to face and resolve issues, bit by bit.

I hope this makes sense. Any thoughts and opinions would be welcomed :)

Reflections .. the dark side of ourselves is often called the 'shadow' side :)

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