Thursday, 20 April 2017

Diary of a jobseeker again ..

I've done diary of a jobseeker posts in the past, when I have been out of work. Previous posts along these lines include this and this.

Some of what I say might be similar to what I've mentioned in those posts - however, I have changed a lot since then, so maybe my perspective might be a little different in some ways.

Image courtesy of Pixabay
So what is happening? Well I have had 3 job interviews, none of them successful. I am starting to think that getting my previous job so easily was something of a miracle - divine intervention, if you like. Because this time it ain't proving easy. Plus I'm back signing on at the Jobcentre, a place I hate. The way they treat jobseekers isn't particularly humane - and people who are more vulnerable than myself could really struggle with the whole thing.

I am still more than conscious of being split between 'This whole system is crazy, I need to be doing something for myself' and 'I need money, therefore I need to be looking for jobs, I have no idea how to truly change my life'.

Career has been of my 'biggies' for a long time, the other one being relationships, although the latter has seen some movement at last - so I guess the one thing that really needs sorting out is career. Or does it?

As I've mentioned before, I do compare my 'achievements' to that of other people - and when I do this, it can be hard to not feel a bit intimidated. I'm certainly frustrated that, up to now, my paid work involves Accounts Administrator, Administrator, etc. Whilst these jobs are important, I know I am capable of more. But I have been a square peg in a round hole for too long.

However, I've realised that the whole journey is not just about focusing on the externals - what you do for living doesn't matter quite so much as inner peace and opening the heart. Self-belief is important here - even though it might not be easy to change your life, if you don't believe it's possible, it will never happen. I do believe that opportunities will open up the more your heart becomes open and receptive - although you also have to take advantage of those opportunties.

My mind is still telling me that there's no escape from the situation I'm in. But it is true that you have to be okay with uncertainty, and keep trusting when there's no evidence that things will get any better. Sometimes, things will feel worse.

Anyway that's how I feel at the moment. This whole subject is taking up a lot of energy right now. Maybe that needs to change.


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