Wednesday, 12 April 2017

The gap between where I am and where I'd like to be

Okay. So let's start with a bit of reality here. Most people are not living the life they would truly like. At the same time, most people would rather have the so called security of a paycheck, mortgage and car rather than take a risk and do what their heart would truly like.

This is the easier path - and perhaps for a lot of people, it's a better option to stay in the 9 to 5 environment. But for certain people, it becomes, in time, fairly obvious that this environment is not suited to them.

This is me. I don't necessarily hate working in a job - in fact my previous job was pretty good - but, deep down, I have probably known for years that a full time job is not really for me. I certainly have no doubt that the western work system of today is unnatural and that it keeps us from spending quality time with family and friends.

At the same time, I have never been quite sure what else I can do that can also provide the money I need. There hasn't been an obvious door opened or an obvious calling as to what I should be doing .. well .. I'm sure, considering my life experience, that one of my callings is to support people with mental health issues or going through tough times .. but I'm not sure how to make a start on that without it involving money or a qualification that I don't currently have.


I will always support people who have had it harder in life than many .. and it's absolute claptrap to say that everyone is on an equal footing. Some people really do have a harder deal than others.

I often feel inferior because it seems like most people who are doing what seems like their purpose in life have been far more successful previously than what I have ever been. I have always had low paid jobs and never been what would be termed as 'successful' in the conventional work environment. And I've found it hard to get past this. I guess I feel like a bit of an underdog.

The fear

Whilst I am more willing to trust the universe than some, things have definitely come to a head now. I know I can't be relying on administration jobs for much longer. I certainly won't have enough to retire on unless I make changes (although the whole goal of retirement after your prime years are behind you seems a bit odd to me).

But the voice still nags in my head that says:
- You need the money.
- You won't be able to do what you love and get paid for it.
- There isn't anything realistic that you can do.
- You don't have the energy and commitment to be able to make something work.
- You don't really know what you want.

In other words, the gap between where I'm 'at' now (ie unemployed, lack of qualifications, uncertainty, supposed to be spending x amount of time looking for work) and where I'd like to be (travelling, mentoring people, writing, helping people with mental health issues, etc.)


The middle ground between where I'm at and where I want to be, is a tricky one to negotiate. It can be even more confusing when you listen to advice from others - some people say don't quit your day job until a certain time, whereas others will say that you will be supported when you follow your heart.

There is no right or wrong advice here - I think you just need to do what feels right to you. And, perhaps most importantly, take one step at a time rather than try to work out the full picture. I know how frustrating it can be when you don't seem to be getting very far. And I'm feeling it today. Sometimes I wonder how I'll ever be able to escape the rat race.

As a wise person once said, sometimes all you can do is 'trust the process'.


It's so easy to get focused on the outside circumstances and what is going wrong .. but, one of the most important things I've learnt is to focus more upon myself and how I perceive the situation and what beliefs I have that causes this situation to arise. For example, my beliefs that I'll never be able to find the right vocation in life and get paid enough for it. So this is what I intend to be doing and I intend to go with the flow and allow life to happen as it will.

Perhaps I will talk a bit more about this subject in due course.

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