Monday, 3 April 2017

This is where I'm at. Life, work and more.

Hi folks,

So as most of my friends will know, my previous job finished 3 weeks ago as the company I worked for was unable to keep me on. This has, once again, put me into the 'not working' category, although any sort of label doesn't bother me too much.

This has helped me to have a bit of a look at myself. More specifically, how I view my current situation and where my place is or should be in this world. To make a bit more sense of everything, let's backtrack a little.

I have never desired a successful career in the 9 to 5 world. When I was a Christian, I had desires to go into full time Christian work. This was perhaps some indication that my true heart was elsewhere, certainly not in the jobs I was doing. I worked in accounts for a while, moved up north, did some temporary work, and found myself long term unemployed for just over a year.

It was horrible because I knew that I did not want to keep doing the same work, but I felt like there was no alternative options and eventually found another job in accounts. This got very stressful after a particular point, perhaps due to a huge level of staff turnover. That job finished and I got a temporary job that I hated. Some times I would go home so stressed and wonder how I could carry on. I thought if work continued like that, I would go to an early grave.

This job finished and again I was unemployed for a little while - spent some time in France volunteering, but that didn't work out as well as I'd have liked. Came back to England in a terrible state after an incident involving a family member and should probably have tried to get some time off from job searching, but I didn't .. and a few months later, I got a job that was even worse. I would spend whole weekends recovering from the stress of the work week and dreaded going into work. There is no way work should ever be that stressful - I would not wish work stress on anyone. After my brother died - and part of me still feels guilty about this because I'm not sure if the powers that me would have been so lenient with me if that hadn't happened - I quit that job and took some time out. All I have been able to do is just to look at the bigger picture and not think too much why certain things happen.

In 2016, I got my first decent job in a while - the one that has recently finished. This has helped me get back on my feet and I would have stayed on if the position had been made permanent. But it wasn't. Soooo .. I'm taking stock of the situation and the kind of thoughts that are happening in my head go something like this:

- I want to transition out of the 9 to 5 world, have a few potential ideas but no idea how to put them into reality.
- I don't have enough motivation or ability to work lots of hours, which may/will be required if I am ever to escape the rat race.
- I don't have the qualifications or career success.
- It will take ages to change my life and I'm not sure I have the patience for it.
- I don't have enough support needed to make a big change.
- I'm scared of a financial crisis.
- I'm scared of making the wrong decision.

Making a change is never going to be easy. Most people, unless they are blessed to discover their pathway early in life, get a regular job in order to pay the bills. There is nothing wrong with working - and work is definitely an important part of life. However, there are too many jobs today that are meaningless and of little benefit to the planet, to people or to the environment - and as far as I'm concerned, all work should be meaningful. The system is designed to keep us reliant on it and keep us in slavery to our jobs. So many people are afraid to speak out against injustice in the workplace for fear that they will lose their job, or, more accurately, lose their paycheck and the supposed security that comes with it. Working the same hours every day, 5 days a week, often in a job that someone is not passionate about, looking forward to retirement and a pension, is considered 'normal'. Not in my book.

Unfortunately, the monetary system of today is very skewed - meaningful jobs such as a teacher or a nurse do not provide as much reward as they should, whereas jobs such as a lawyer and an accountant - which, I'm sorry, really should not be so important - have the big bucks. And don't get me started on bankers :(

I believe that we were meant to do what makes our heart sing, and live abundantly from it. But in today's society, there's always a big risk involved in making a change. I am quite risk averse, particularly after some mistakes I have made in the past. So for me, it's about small steps. I do believe that perspective of our life situation is important, and there's no point in beating myself up if I'm not quite in a place where I'm able to live the life of my dreams.

However, I do want my next job to be the last one before I transition out of the 9 to 5 world. I'm not sure how long this will take, and I have learnt that I can't force things to happen. It is important now to trust my own inner guidance and take appropriate steps. I may well have to work harder than normal. But something has to change - I simply cannot go on for the rest of my life doing the kind of jobs that I have been doing. I don't even like working for other people.

This is the start of something new.

No comments:

Post a Comment

A few things this week has taught me

Well well. This one really has been one of the toughest weeks in a good while. It's pretty rare for me to get too depressed these days, ...