Thursday, 11 May 2017

The wait for a 'soul mate', the journey of self, and more ..

Okay. So my emotions are still a little heavy, although subsiding a little. But .. this post might be a little bit on the heavy side .. but hopefully you will enjoy reading it :)

So for much of my life, I have quite keenly felt the 'lack' of a partner - as if something's missing from my life. I did have a short term relationship recently, but that ended, so I'm back on the 'single' path again.

I'm not sure I know why, but sometimes it seems like the 'ache' for a soulmate is almost unbearable, certainly quite painful. My mind keeps wondering when it will happen - the prospect of being single years down the line isn't especially appealing :)

I read a lot of stuff about being happy in yourself, loving yourself, treating yourself well etc. Which are all well and good. I certainly think there's some credence in being happy and living life to the full, whatever your relationship status. The trouble is, my subconscious doesn't always believe all this. The pain is still there.

And, I do believe that you should not ignore any sort of emotional pain - regardless of whether it seems justified or even if it seems a little silly. Aaaaaand .. I suspect a lot of people can relate to the pain of not having a partner in their life, when they would like one.

However, I think it's important to go deeper into the pain itself - I'm not necessarily saying that the pain has to be 'transcended' and I'm not even saying that you should try to be completely happy and fulfilled on your own - instead, just allow the longing for connection to express itself, allow tears to come up if needed, and trust that the universe will bring you the right person as you resolve to do the best you can with your life. I think when you go deeper into something and allow it to be fully expressed, the intensity of the feelings will subside.

Ultimately, your life journey is all about you. I'm not saying some people don't have it harder than others - they certainly do - but the starting point for change is internal. It does take a bit of time to shift beliefs from predominantly negative to more positive - and also - you cannot force yourself to change, even if you can see that changing your internal beliefs will change your life.

The pain of my perceived failures in relationships and career has hit me quite hard - and dealing with issues in both my 'big two' areas right now is not easy. However, one thing I need to do is be patient. Sometimes my heart seems very closed off. Part of me feels upset and perhaps even violated inside that I have spent so long alone. I get pissed off that I keep repeating the difficult experience of being out of paid work. Some of my life experiences, I would not wish on anyone. And as much as I would like to live life with an open, overflowing heart .. sometimes I just have to respect that, in some areas, I am still closed off. The excellent Jeff Foster says to not try and force your heart to open .. I think he said that trying to force this is an act of violence.
For me, the best thing when my heart feels closed is to just be okay with this and do the best I can.

So, the best tips for me right now (and this post is written for me as much as anyone else!)
1) Do things I enjoy
2) Love without expectations
3) Learn to love myself a bit more, bit by bit
4) Establish what I want and go for it!
5) Follow my intuition rather than being led by what other people say
6) Live more in the present moment
7) Make new connections

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